The Road

I can feel my lipstick is “off”.  Glancing in the rearview I take a swipe at the tiny, errant stripe hanging below my lip.  My appearance is very important.  I wouldn’t want to disappoint my public, I giggle.  Oh, I may never be as famous as Kim and Kanye but, I have my peeps.  I do a little dance in my seat and think, “This is going to be a great day.”.   “I am Queen of the World.”, I want to shout.  Ever since watching that movie, as a child, I have admired women who do it all, have it all and are willing to do what it takes to get it ALL!

I am pushing the pedal and pressing on … speed limits are for Geeks … which I certainly am not.  Laughing to myself I think of the Psycho Chicks who hung out in the back corner of the cafeteria, where no one wanted to go.  Sweet, nice, utterly into the Bible and booooring.  No one would ever call me that.  That just wasn’t the way things were “done” now.  Let them have their “purity”… she had better things to do with my body.


This road is so wide.  I love traveling it.  I am skilled and know where I am headed, easy life.  That’s what I will have.  Going a little fast but, hey, that’s how it’s done, now a days.  I have a cool car, I am cool … just plain freakin’ cool. 


Grabbing another cigarette I nearly run off the road.  There … on the side of the road, waving his hands … pointing to a  ”Caution” sign is that guy.  The Loser Girls friend.  Oh, I know his name.  The times Mom dragged me to church he even was nice to me but, hey,  NO WAY!  Not going to get caught up with some Psycho Bible guy.  Why he was out here, I have no idea.  But, he’s wasting his time.  I know where I’m going and there’s not a thing going to harm me.  I am “the woooo-man!”


Flipping my cigarette out the car, in a most “disdainful fashion” I giggle.  I must look so freakin’ hot.  This car is the Bomb.com.  Hot red, fast and just plain gorgeous,  like me.  Running my fingers through my hair, and glancing in the rearview for a little self confirmation,  I almost didn’t see them.  But, with mouth hanging open, I realize.  It’s the Loser Girls on the side of the road.  This time I bust out laughing.  They are waving their hands frantically and pointing to ANOTHER caution sign.  I roll my eyes… dramatically (of course) so they can see, as I speed by.    What Psycho’s.  "Give it a rest.", I mutter.  Who’s going to want your lonely, pathetic, pure selves.  Emphasis on puuuuure.   I shoot them a little birdie friend of mine and keep going.


Pushing the gas a little faster, out of anger, I round a curve “on two wheels” (as my Mom would say) and almost run over Pastor, standing almost in the road.  I swerve, narrowly missing him and, almost stop to go give him a piece of my mind.  What a loser freak.  Here he was with the same signs… waving his hands … gesturing to me … ME???? I am SOMEBODY.  What do I need from him?  Maybe if he had a bigger house or cuter wife, I murmur, maybe…I’d give him a thought but, no.  He was wife was just a married “Psycho Loser” gettin' a little the "legit" way.  No thanks.  She didn’t even care about keeping her figure up.  She gained a few after the kids … ewwww. 


The road began downhill and I relaxed.  Whatever those idiots were worried about … let ‘em worry.  I was just fine.  After all their ranting and raving “Armageddon” still hadn’t happened so, obviously, it never will.


I caught a glimpse of the ocean, admiring God’s creation (I mentally patted myself on the back).  I was just as spiritual as those guys, in my own way.  What did Grandpa always say, “Me and the ‘man upstairs’ got an understanding.”  Yeah.  That was me.  We had an “understanding”.  When I wanted Him, I’d let Him know.  Openly laughing at me incredible wit.  I pulled into a straight stretch of road.  What I saw caused me to gasp and relax my foot on the gas.  On each side … about a dozen of or so … waving their arms, frantically …. Crying (?) … were people I knew.  The signs they held up were caution signs but they read different things.  “Almost too late”, “No return” among them and some Bible verses.  “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Proverbs 16:25.”  Now, they were really starting to piss me off.  Here I am driving along, looking quite awesome, and they are making me uncomfortable.  How dare they judge me?  Who are they, God???  They need to get their ugly fat as… well, they need to just GO HOME!


“The end … death??”  Well, if there is a loving God He wouldn’t send a great person like me to hell.  They are just sick, failed losers who don’t have anything better to do with their time than drag awesome people like me down to their level.  No sir, not going to let them get me down. 


Adjusting the rearview to eliminate any traces of them I flip my hair and resume my “moment with God”.

“It’s a trap.  The only thing ahead of you is death, hurt and pain.” I hear quietly.
What?  This time I slow down and almost pull over.  What am I hearing?  Who is talking to me?  Then I realize, God.  Didn’t I just say I was going to give Him a “moment”.  He snuck in and took it.  Slowing almost to a crawl I consider turning around.  But, what’s back there?  Losers?  Psychos? The “Pure” Patrol?  NO THANKS! 


I throw it in first and gas it, hard.  I am not going to be like them.  I know how things are done now.  I am measuring my life by people who count.  J-Lo, Kim K to name a few.  I am hot, sexy and going to be loved and cared for … as soon as I get to the end of this road.  With a new excitement I anxiously await the next curve.  Surely my destination is right past that.  Soon, all I’ve dreamed of will appear.  Soon I will be loved and happy. 


I “round the corner” gripping the steering wheel in expectation and as my eyes take in the road I can (literally) feel the blood rushing to my face, in shame.

There standing in the middle of the road are my family.  Why would they do that?   Don’t they know I’ll hurt them.  I slam on the brakes but, at the last minute they part and I get by … only bumping my parents slightly.  I really didn’t want to hurt them.  They too are waving those ridiculous “Caution” signs and gesturing … some are pleading, some are angry… only Mom is silent, holding her one finger over heart heart, then pointing to me .. our secret sign … you are my #1.

I struggle to keep the car straight.  That was hard to see.  But, then anger takes over … they are ALWAYS trying to interfere, always trying to make things hard for me.  Well, they can keep their baby killing God and His plan for me … I got bigger things in store … better.  I throw it another gear and press the gas, hard!  If I hurt them good!  Maybe they’ll stay out of my way, now.

The road straightens and becomes wider.  I see … off in the distance, lights.  I know (surely) I am nearly there … tears began to form as I realize soon… all my dreams will come true. Soon, I’ll “be” somebody.  Soon I will be loved.  The stretch takes a dip then ….

The first sensation I have is just pure shock.  Everything … everything… becomes slow motion.  I am flying .... No!

Horrified, I realize, I am falling.  There is no more road.

The next sensation is surprise.  The car begins making a weird noise.  I guess that’s what happens when the road suddenly disappears underneath your tires.  I want to scream.  Anger, fear, regret ... shame ... all charge at me like a wild animal.  I see their faces, those who loved me … those who cared … those who warned me destruction was ahead … those who prayed for me.   I see, now, how very … very … foolish I was.  Yes, “was” because in mere seconds, I will be no more.  I had gambled everything .... and lost.

No great love, no great fame, no career giving me respect and acclaim.  All my dreams had already crashed below on the same rocks that would soon claim my body.  God was right.  They were all right.  This path held only pain and death.  Like every rebellious human before me, rebellion had failed me.  It had promised me everything and instead … had taken everything.  The cliff’s were passing by quicker now and I was almost wishing it would soon be over with … almost … but I wanted one more second … just one … I had to ask God to please forgiv…………….