What’s That Smell?

 Grief 

it’s like an ugly smell in your house.  You know what it is  but, you know you can’t do anything about it and it will probably be around forever.

It stinks.

lol

I think everybody handles it in their own way. I think it’s important that we keep working on handling it in different ways. Getting past it and what ever way we can and getting on with our lives. Which is exactly what the people we love would want us to do.

Some thing I’ve been doing lately, and I do believe it was inspired by the Holy Spirit, is picturing mom in heaven. I know that’s where she is. I know the things she loves to do.  I know the people she wanted to see there ... She’s my mom. Even if I hadn’t taken care of her for the last 12 years… She’s my mom. I know her. 

I can see her with those people. I can see her dancing. My most vivid thoughts, latelly, are seeing her in her office at her desk; typing away. She loves writting. She loves publishing. 

I remember when I was in high school going to work with her one day. She was laying out her newspaper getting it ready for print. She looked at me and said “I just love this! If I could do anything in the world, I would do this.”

Well, now she can. She was a truly a undiscovered talent.  I have found so many articles, stories, and even manuscripts that she started, but didn’t finish. She may have had some ADHD, or other neurological issue that distracted her but, I truly believe, her biggest hindrance was her own lack of self-worth; self acceptance and value. 

In the 60s, she wrote a novel. She sent it to a publisher, and they kept it for several months before they sent it back. She was devastated and threw the manuscript away. She, had since realized how often that happens to bestellers and regretted it but, she never did seem to get the courage back to try to rewrite it or write something new. 

She did accomplish many articles and stories in her lifetime and work. We still have them and I treasure them. She we love beautifull. She had her magazines permanently archived at the Sam Houston regional library. If anybody would be interested in reading them, they can see them there. 

But, my thought, and attempt at encouraging others, is this. 

See them. See them in their new life, in  Heaven. Sit and quietly think about it. Don’t rush through the process. Take some time. 

If you are not sure, they’re in heaven, then I just encourage you to hope against hope and believe that, somehow, even if it was the last seconds of their life, God got through to them, and they made it. 

I see mom, young, beautiful, talking, laughing, playing with her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren that are there. 

Most people don’t know that I was a twin. We are fraternal twins. Mom miscarried my twin in the first months of her pregnancy.

She finally gets to meet them. Love them and spend time with them and get to know them. 

Perspective is everything. We have to change our perspective and it’s so hard in the midst of deep pain. We have to trade our memories of their last days on earth, where they were so ill for ones where they are so full of life.

Because they are full of life. They are actually more alive than they have ever been. 

I will see her again 

I will be with her again. 

She is in my future, when I start my new life in heaven.